FALSE HOPES
Just like the Mona Lisa, there are many things in Paris
that appear less impressive upon close inspection. Below are just a few places,
theories and so-called "bargains" that I'd like to provide some clarity on,
just in case you don't have time to read their small print.
La Poste – Louvre: Having read several guide books claiming this post office to be "friendly, English-speaking
and open 24 hours", I've trekked there three times for three separate purchases
at three different times of the day/week and each time I've found them neither
friendly nor English-speaking. One thing is certain though, the rudeness and
hostility leveled at foreigners goes on 24-hours a day.
My advice: stick to your local post office
for all your needs. The long lines, language hassles and poor service will be exactly
the same, but at least you didn't make a special trip to experience it.
Cheap Airlines: You are standing in the metro and you see the signs
everywhere. "Paris to Dublin for $29 round trip!" "Paris to Geneva, or Rome, or Tunisia…" and you think, wow, how do they do it? Simple, they
send you to the boonies! To save on huge airport taxes, most of these "bargain airlines" simply take your cash and then drop you to the farthest runways
imaginable. Not fun if you've never actually been to the city you are visiting
and you don't have family or friends who can meet your flight. Nothing against
these services making a living, just know that if you do go with one, odds are
you'll spend a great deal of time and money to reach your actual city of
destination.
Take Paris, for example. To fly in/out of Paris via "XYZ
AIR", you will most likely land not at Charles de Gaulle, Paris' most
central airport, but rather at Orly Airport, one of the farthest destinations in the Paris region. From there you are on your own and unless you have one carry-on and plenty of time,
the RER is not a great option (factor in at least a 2-hour commute). Also know
that most hotels and airline bus companies don't service Orly at regular
intervals, while there are shuttle and taxi services that do go there, the
charge can run as high as 100 Euros each way, thus ending the "bargain" portion
of your trip.
Non-African Phone Cards: Just like the immigrant phone cards so lovingly described above, there are other "long
distance" cards being sold in the local tabacs that look just like these cards
and cost the same. But they offer less than half the phone time. You don't
realize it until the calls run out and you wonder what you've done wrong. To
avoid this…unfortunate incident…I suggest you stick to the authentic cards or
simply pay the France Telecom international dialing rates.
The Chosen People: When I first arrived in America bashing was in full swing. Then came the French
elections and along with the embarrassment of Le Pen came a healthy silence.
Now the release of "Bowling for Columbine" has stirred things up again and it
seems I cannot go to a party or to work without someone lecturing me about how
violent we Americans are, and how the French just don't do violence of any
kind. Is that right?
Well, my fellow blood lords, the next time you've had your
fill of smoky criticism, I invite you to stop by the Armurier de la St. Martin for a breath of fresh irony. Located at
the foot of where Gare de l'Est meets Rue Faubourg St. Martin, the Armurier de la St. Martin is not a museum,
but an actual weapon supply shop stocking every known item of humane
destruction ever assembled. That's right, folks, the people who sell you café
and wine and accordion music are also prepared to sell you every torture item
imaginable, from medieval swords to oriental swords, hand guns, knives, cross
bows, rifles, nun chucks, firearms, hand grenades, fatigues, thumb twists,
traps and steals, arrows, suits of armor and enough bullets to seduce an entire
nation of humble people into thinking they're above it all. Touché.
Armurier de la St. Martin
144 rue Faubourg St. Martin,
75010 Paris,
Metro: Gare de L'Est
