Ah, I can still feel it now. It was 1999 and I'd
just arrived in Paris. Bill Clinton was President of the United States
and France and the U.S. were still best friends. When I spoke with my American accent people asked me
if I were British. I'd get annoyed and say No, I'm American!
I meant no offence toward the British. I was just proud of my American
heritage.
Every 4th of July I wore my Old Navy Tee-shirt with the American
Flag on it, plus my red, white and blue flag pins. Back then I wasn't afraid
to display my patriotism because I felt welcomed here and safe. Now, I'm not
so sure anymore. Even though the French aren't exactly shoving us Americans
out of their country, I have to ask the question: If our current American president, George W. Bush, is re-elected, are our days in Paris numbered?
Everything changed in 2003 when President Bush decided
that we had to go into battle against Iraq. Apparently, the weapons of mass destruction (WMD) needed finding and without haste. The French said no and
wouldn't go to Iraq; Americans changed French
Fries to Freedom Fries; and well, you know the rest of the story.
For almost two years I've
been walking around Paris hoping no one would ask me if I'm
American - half praying that they'd think I'm
British again. I'm no longer wearing my Old Navy
tee-shirt on American holidays. I've
delicately put my flags in a safe place, and I tell my husband to speak to me
only in French when we're out in public. I've
taken these drastic measures not because I'm
ashamed of being an American, but rather because I can't
explain to French people why Americans went to Iraq, why President Bush might even
get re-elected, or why the price of oil is more important than the price of a
baguette.
The funny thing is I didn't vote for him. I didn't say
there were WMD over in Iraq. But, I am American. It's my country. It's my
President, right or wrong. So, if it's not the disgruntled Frenchman that I'm looking
out for, then it's the wannabe terrorist who hates all things American that I have to
monitor.
Carol, a friend whom I met through pariswoman, and who happens to be American
as well, wears a Canadian Flag pin on
her coat since she can't fake the British accent. It makes
her feel safer in this climate of war and anti-Americanism. Another friend,
Carolyn is worried that if President Bush is re-elected it could jeopardize the amount of projects
available for her business. In other words, will she lose all her French clients? Will any of them want to
continue working with her?
Americans living in France are in a Catch-22 situation.
On one hand, you have expatriates who are saying that if President Bush is re-elected, they'll
definitely stay here in France for four more years. They won't live in
the U.S. while he's in office. But here's the catch: Will the French people want
us to live here? Will we feel comfortable? Or will we be forced to continue using what has become my
automatic response to the Are you American question: "Yes, I'm American but I'm a Democrat." (You'd
be amazed at the difference the last part of that sentence makes.)
It's not that the French are selling me rotten meat at the boulangerie or stale baguettes at
the bakery. They're politely smiling and speaking as usual. But there is something in the air. I don't
get as many “It's not Americans we hate, it's only your President” speeches. There is some pressure. I have the feeling
that the French are waiting for the outcome of this next election before they
completely make up their minds about us, which makes one think: This might be
our last chance.
When Al Gore lost the election in 2000 the French told me that they felt
sorry for us. It wasn't our fault. Something weird happened in Florida. "It'll only be for four years", they said. But come November, if President Bush is re-elected, some of
the blame could possibly fall on us. Some of the hatred for President Bush that has become so widespread might
actually continue rubbing off on us because we are Americans, whether we live
there or not. It might somehow be our fault if he gets
re-elected, whether our absentee ballots get lost in the mail or not.
I think it was in 1968 (another volatile election
year) that the phrase was coined, "The whole world is watching." The same can be said for this American Presidential election.
I and other Americans that I know in Paris are holding our
breath, and we're struggling against dreaded feelings of a re-election.
No one knows what the outcome of this election will be. All polling shows that the race will
be just as close as the 2000 election. But hey, maybe all this stuff about the
French throwing us out of France is just in my head! Maybe we will feel
at ease given the worst case scenario. Maybe it doesn't really matter…let's
hope so.
In any case, we'll just have to sit back and watch and wait with the rest of the world, and see what
happens on November 2nd and afterwards. We will always be American
though, whether we have to hide it a little or not.
through my eyes...
