Thirdly, there's the transient group. These ladies could be students, or ladies who are
here because of jobs-they (or their spouses) work at a law firm or the
American Embassy, for example. Since they'll only be here for a distinct
period of time, often their whole perception of life here is different than
the typical "expatriate's" (I don't like this word, but for
lack of another one this second, I'll use it.) They look at themselves more
as visitors, whereas some of us are in it for a longer haul. It doesn't mean
that you can't find great friends in the group though. One of my best
American friends here-the pariswoman herself, is married to a
fellow American who's here because of his job, and she's more than terrific! Don't be afraid of people in this group. Other than the fact that
they'll eventually move away and break your family's heart, it's pretty safe overall.
The final group and perhaps the most difficult to break into unless you are
extremely patient, is the I want to be friends with you, but can I
trust you? group. These women have lived here for a number of years
and have come in contact with so many "bad apples" that they've
completely shut down. If you find one that you'd like to become friends
with, don't be surprised if you exchange tons of emails before even meeting
for a coffee. After the coffee, you might graduate to
lunch...then meeting their children and eventually-but really way down the
road, their husbands.
Once you do find a potential friend, still keep the optimism under wraps
for awhile because even though you might both love Galeries Lafayettes
and books by Christian Jacques, it doesn't mean it will work
out. Like anywhere else in the world, it's still tricky. If your
husbands or kids don't like each other, then the relationship could be
doomed. I once met a great American girl from Ohio that I really got along
with, but our husbands didn't hit it off at all. Her husband actually hated
his own country. He was content to spend the evening criticizing the French
government, the French people, the French everything. Needless to say, even
though they were both Frenchman, my husband and my friend's didn't have as
much in common as we'd hoped. Remember, so many families in Paris are
intercultural so you can't be "too American", or "too French":
You gotta be open-minded to make it here.
In Paris the pressure is extremely elevated and there just aren't as many choices for friends as
there would be in the U.S. In the States we wouldn't necessarily have to
work so hard in order to find friends with things in common, but here,
it's another world. Some people spend hours and hours talking to their
girlfriends back home because they just haven't made any connections here.
Women have told me that they're actually afraid to approach anyone, but
who wants to be the woman without friends here? No one. Who wants to
be the woman who admits that she has no friends here? Double no
one. These women are far from alone though. There are many others in the
same boat, but hope still exists.
The best resource for finding and keeping new American or Anglophone friends in
Paris? Great internet sites like this one, which was especially launched
to bring people together. Because of Juliette Lac's Paris Woman
Journal, dozens of people have made contacts and long-lasting friendships.
Another tactic for finding friends here is joining women's support groups like
AAWE,WICE
and Mother's Message.
(These are just a few groups that I am familiar with personally, but you will find a full list of associations at the
American Embassy.)
Finding girlfriends here in Paris is truly a tough thing. Like I said, you might
have to put in a lot more effort than you would back in the U.S., but hey,
if you find someone that you really want to be friends with, it could really
be worth it in the end. We're already a long way from home, so finding
one good friend here could really make a huge difference. Good luck and happy hunting.
